Ten Months Down

It's hard to believe that this time 10 months ago I was on a plane bound for Heathrow Airport, London. It's hard to judge how fast the time has gone by, there are days when I feel like I've been here for years and then there are the days when I feel like I've been here a couple of months. In 8 weeks time I would have been in London for a year, so in around 6 weeks time I will be exactly halfway through my two year visa, and that scares the living day lights out of me. There is so much to do and see here that I think I could be here 5 years and it may not be enough. I've never lived somewhere where there is so many wonderful things to do and so many amazing places at my fingertips! I can't even comprehend the end of this journey, especially when I feel like it's only now truly beginning.

When I think of going home I just can't seem to grasp the concept, I know I still have a little over a year here, but when you're really having the time of your life why would you ever want it to end? Every now and again I think about home, but sometimes I wonder where home would be. Christchurch will always be home and I will always call it my home, but do I want to go back there? Even before the earthquakes destroyed most of the city I found myself wondering "could I live there again? What is there for me" My family for one, my friends, but what else? Even if I could get a job there, where would I work? What would I do on the weekends? It would never be the life that I am so getting used to over here, it would always be so quiet, so small.
Then I think Australia, Brisbane, my home for 2 years. You could pretty much guarantee that you will always have a sunny day in Brisbane, it's always warm, no it's always hot! and I'd never have to take a coat out at night when I want to dress up and go out. The shopping and the fashion will always be ten times better than NZ, but never as good as London. But do I want to go back to Bris? I always thought about moving to Melbourne and living there for a while, but will Melbourne be what I'm looking for? I try so hard not to think about all this, I mean who know's where I'll be or what I'll be doing one year from now.

London life has been wonderful, but with the wonderful times come the tough times, and those tough times have been bad. But I can only put all the bad experiences down to learning, and making me more of the person I am. It feels like in the 10 months of being here i've been through more than the 25 years I spent at home (Australia included in that home). I think when I go home, whenever that may be, that I would have changed, I think I've changed already. I'm still the same me, I still like the same cheesy music, I still have the same intrests, I still can't sing to save myself, but I think I'm stronger and more resilient. I'd like to think that I could look life in the eye and say "bring it", that may be pushing my luck because really no one knows what lies ahead. I'd just like to get through the next two months really ticking off some of the boxes of what I'd like to do here, then once those two months are down, it will be summer and I'll be ready to start getting out there and really start exploring.

For the now I'm trying to get on with London life as if I'll be here forever, but have the appreciation for every small little detail as I did my first month I was living here. I want to live here without any worry about what the future holds, the only worry I want to have is to worry about the decision on what I'm going to do on the weekend or what country I plan on seeing next. I want to wake up every morning and think to myself how amazing it really is being here. The past few days have been sunny and it's been so great waking up to some sun and not the usual grey cloud. I really don't like the grey here, and yes it is grey all the time and I know that's what London is like, but when you see grey for weeks and months, seeing some sunshine changes everything. Waking up to sunshine makes me really stop and think that I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now, and London is so pretty in the sun.

But for the now, London you are mine for the taking, and though you've managed to swallow up ten months aready, when it come's to the one year mark I just want you to make sure that I am happier than ever!

xx